The Singlehood Myth


As if being a single, Christian college student isn’t hard enough, friends in relationships like to pour salt on the wound by saying, “You’ll find someone when you stop looking.”

I want to de-bunk this myth once and for all.

Let me start by saying that when someone enters into a relationship, two things happen:

1. They suddenly feel that it is their duty to tell their single friends what they ought to do in order to find love. You know, because, they suddenly have so much experience in that department.

2. They forget what it was like to be single.

For this post, I want to focus on number two.

I believe that the idea that you won’t find love until you stop looking originated from romantic comedies but was (and continues to be) propagated by people in relationships.

You see people in happy relationships want nothing more than for everyone they know to be as happy as they are. This isn’t a bad thing; they’re just trying to help. But, unless they’re willing to set you up on a blind date, the only real advice they can give is to focus less on your single situation, which will (supposedly) make the days go by faster.

A close friend of mine described it like this: Your birthday comes once a year. If, on the day after your birthday, you start counting down the days until your next birthday, yes it will seem like forever until you get to open presents and have cake again. However, if you put it in the back of your mind and focus on other things, before you know it, it’ll be that time of year again.

This is a lovely concept, and I applaud any college-aged girl who has successfully pushed thoughts of dating to the back of her mind, but it’s just not a realistic goal.

We were made for relationship, and trying to fight that is like trying to fight nature. You won’t win, and if you do, it won’t be healthy for you or your relationship with God. As a high school or college-aged student, you are stuck in the middle of the years where your body is screaming for a relationship and not only that, but people who are in love surround you!

So what’s a girl to do?

Don’t set unrealistic expectations of being completely content in your singlehood, and don’t beat yourself up over wanting a relationship. God’s plan will be carried out whether you’re waiting with baited breath or completely obvious to the opposite sex.

Just keep trusting Him and giving yourself grace. You can’t go wrong.  


Mediation for the week: Psalm 37

About this blog

Let's face it. We Christians put a whole lot of emphasis on the importance of relationships, but in all honesty, we're pretty bad at them ourselves. It seems like some of us are stuck courting in the 1800s, while others are toying with the thought: 'How much can I get away with and still be saved?' The rest of us are still waiting for Prince Char - ahem, God to introduce us to the one.
But guess what? In the midst of all these feelings, it's Jesus that remains the same.
This blog is about all this and more.
I've dated, I've crushed, and I've been a whole lot of single.
Now, I've kissed Christian dating goodbye. Care to join me?
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