As if being a single, Christian college student isn’t hard
enough, friends in relationships like to pour salt on the wound by saying,
“You’ll find someone when you stop looking.”
I want to de-bunk this myth once and for all.
Let me start by saying that when someone enters into a
relationship, two things happen:
1. They
suddenly feel that it is their duty to tell their single friends what they
ought to do in order to find love. You know, because, they suddenly have so
much experience in that department.
2. They
forget what it was like to be single.
For this post, I want to focus on number two.
I believe that the idea that you won’t find love until you
stop looking originated from romantic comedies but was (and continues to be)
propagated by people in relationships.
You see people in happy relationships want nothing more than
for everyone they know to be as happy as they are. This isn’t a bad thing;
they’re just trying to help. But, unless they’re willing to set you up on a
blind date, the only real advice they can give is to focus less on your single
situation, which will (supposedly) make the days go by faster.
A close friend of mine described it like this: Your birthday
comes once a year. If, on the day after your birthday, you start counting down
the days until your next birthday, yes it will seem like forever until you get
to open presents and have cake again. However, if you put it in the back of
your mind and focus on other things, before you know it, it’ll be that time of
year again.
This is a lovely concept, and I applaud any college-aged girl
who has successfully pushed thoughts of dating to the back of her mind, but
it’s just not a realistic goal.
We were made for relationship, and trying to fight that is
like trying to fight nature. You won’t win, and if you do, it won’t be healthy
for you or your relationship with God. As a high school or college-aged
student, you are stuck in the middle of the years where your body is screaming
for a relationship and not only that, but people who are in love surround you!
So what’s a girl to do?
Don’t set unrealistic expectations of being completely
content in your singlehood, and don’t beat yourself up over wanting a
relationship. God’s plan will be carried out whether you’re waiting with baited
breath or completely obvious to the opposite sex.
Just keep trusting Him and giving yourself grace. You can’t
go wrong.
Mediation for the week: Psalm 37